Words from the Mouth of an Ex Sex Self Affirming Beauty
*sounds like a good book right...
When sleeping with a man feels like it will make you feel better in the morning....you should probably remember
1.Saying yes to him now, won't make him like you better in the morning.
if anything, you'll be deemed maybe a "good fuck" not "My God, she's beautiful." -what you definitely deserve
2. Saying yes to him now, makes you uncomfortable -not him
What good is the sex if you're concentrated on whether you've made the right decision or not?
3. Why are you letting him do this again?
Ain't that a bitch of a question? It's supposed to affirm that you are beautiful right? Or in the very least attractive. I mean we've been taught that men make sexual choices or decisions based on seeing something good looking. But honestly if it's short term.........yeah how does that saying go, "pussy ain't got no face." Or perhaps...it's to make him happy. But who will be sad in the morning...and who will care? Not him.
4.Letting him make the sexual decision strips you of every power you maintain. Wasn't this supposed to be an empowering sexual experience?
Our culture teaches us a lot..........of wrong. That women should be submissive and let men make sexual choices (or be considered a whore) (please read How being a Good Girl can be Bad for Girls) That we have no power. That women being powerful is unattractive. DON'T YOU HATE THAT WHEN YOU SEE IT? You know that you are a woman. That you can do anything a man can. That you are no less smart. That you are no less ambitious. That you are no less of CeO material. That you shouldn't have to apologize for making your own decisions. YOU KNOW THIS. But...when you give him that power, you buy into everything this culture has ever taught us. You sign your name on the dotted line. You have a choice in sexual encounters. So what if he doesn't like you in the morning........life goes on you definitely didn't need him
5. He'll call you a bitch or some other criticisms because you won't...so?
What's worse? Being called a bitch and letting him rant like a lil pansy boy because he can't get any OR walking past him everyday and knowing/wondering how many people he let know that you slept together. That he knows you that personally and gave you nothing back in return........i.e. that affirmation you were really looking for. Or that you'll never see this person again that you let have everything? ***Granted, there are women who believe in that liberation. That if men can do it women can too...and for a while I believed that as well. However I'm sure those women weren't taught of the idea or choose to reject that their value is tied to their sexuality. Not that I tie my value to my sexuality because I know my worth is WAY MORE THAN THAT But plenty women are taught that they are like cars -the moment they're taken off the [virginity] lot and the more mileage [sex partners/sex]they have, the more their value goes down....and that's a wearing on the spirit -trust me. Save yourself the heartbreak and move on...suffer the momentary criticisms; life goes on
6. You said yes, but you didn't say yes to everything
Too many of us believe that when we get to that moment, where you've talked so much game, and flirted so much and kissed and or touched that you can't get to the bedroom and say no. That would be rude. That's like going to a restaurant HUNGRY, sitting down, looking over the menu, ordering, having an appetizer and then getting the meal and saying.....yeah no thanks. I'm good -right. That's what they'll have you believe.
***Granted it sucks giant MONKEY BALLS to be turned on to that degree and not getting that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but.........you can't apologize for that. Don't apologize for it. It is your body. You will be apologizing to yourself that your mind won't accept, if you make the decision to go all the way when you weren't ready or really wanting to go that far.
What I've learned is that generally that yes we get horny...and we crave sex...but it's hard to go over the rainbow when we don't know the rain. I find it easier to have sex with a man I know and trust (and infinitely more satisfying)
7. Ok, you agreed to have sex but he doesn't want to wear condoms
................Let me just say there are way too many STIs, diseases, risks of pregnancy, etc etc to be gambling with your sex life like that. Sex with a person you don't know well enough to trust is like playing russian roulette with your sex life. It's not worth it. Additionally, from experience, being aware of the game of Russian Roulette that one night stands are, you will not be able to concentrate on the sex if you're worried about those things. TRUST TRUST TRUST ME. You'll be waiting for it to be over. If he wants it and he wants it bad enough...he will put on that damn condom. If he ain't got one.........he'll learn to carry one. You learn to carry one.
8. WAIT! The sex ain't guaranteed to be great!
Sex ain't everything......but in these momentary encounters THEY ARE. He has more than a 75% chance of achieving orgasm...you....less than 33. I'm not sure how long you like your sex but if you're not a fan of the "minute man club" then....you're anticipating 7-13 minutes of sex...if that. So basically you could be getting into this whole situation for sex that wasn't good enough to risk your sex life over. ...And I won't even discuss penis size and shape lol people have their preferences
9. Sex will NOT affirm your beauty unless...
I think generally, one may only feel beautiful, or self affirmed in making love, to whom she loves and knows that he loves her. (this could go for any couple gay, bi, straight it's all love!) There is an incredible beauty in that! Someone who loves you regardless of booty dimples and stretch marks and bed head and your just woke up face...someone who is loving you with honest passion.......now that's self affirmation. Casual sex...is...a good nut. :/ ...which is probably what we all need once in a while...lol
10. If attention is what you seek
One night stands and/or casual sex is probably not it. What you really want is someone to adore you or in the very least watch a movie with you, laugh with you, walk and talk with you, dance in the rain with you...you know the whole romantic movie storyline with you. That guy in some way shape or form exists but you have to be waiting and watching and LOVING YOURSELF in the meantime. That guy won't be perfect, but he'll be perfect for you. Unless you have built up the mental fortitude for One Night Stands and Casual Sex, unless you 100% identify with the Samantha character from Sex in the City ONM and CS probably aren't for you. Although CS is a lot less mentally wearing...because that's usually a mutual agreement lol. But warning you can get caught up...
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My best advice to you is; reevaluate your sexual choices and recent sexual encounters. Did you regret them? Why? What did you enjoy about it? What did you dislike? Did that partner satisfy what you liked? Can you articulate what you like? If you have to say no, can you? Would you have made the same decision if sober? Would you make the decision to if you were intoxicated? What influences your sexual encounters? What are you really looking for when having sex, an orgasm or love?
I've taken a break from sex because I haven't found the strength in myself to be able to say no when I don't want to. I've taken a break because I realized I was fucking for love...not just because I was horny. I took a break because sporadic sex is pointless in my opinion. I've taken a break because I can't effectively articulate what I want. I've taken a break because alcohol makes saying yes easier because I know I want to say no. I've taken a break because I haven't realized and embodied my own power yet. And I haven't been able to tell myself that I love me everyday with no exceptions. I don't want a man to do that for me. I want to know it for myself. I want to be comfortable in making sexual choices.
I took a break because I honestly love sex and I don't want present insecurities to jepordize future encounters <3
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