I saw someone with a status like...The best part about having all male friends -no emotions ......
I'll save you the rest
I had a problem with that. Why?
For one, I'm guilty of this too but we severely underestimate male's ability to love and/or be emotional OR we make them feel guilty or less masculine for being so (ESPECIALLY IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY...not to mention...I even find it more socially acceptable)
I could go into that whole history but I won't, let's just say in short short our history and our environments have not exactly allowed black males to be so emotionally expressive and we worship that!
When I was younger, I refused to identify as a feminist because I thought these were male bashing individuals that were emotionally crazed. I wanted to be just like the boys. I shunned and tried my best to hide emotions. My dad is definitely one of those men led to believe men don't cry. Men aren't emotional (The day I started crying as my brother left for Germany...my brother started crying -even with his 8 weeks of "masculine identity stoic brainwashing" the airforce gave him and in turn my dad started crying. He was so mad! He was like...why you make me do that Diane? Men don't cry!) It's crazy how much I wanted to be just like them -granted I never thought I am male but I was always going...I like action flicks! I like football! I like gross and inappropiate shit! AND I DEFINITELY LOVE TALKING ABOUT SEX! These are the things I thought constituted maleness.
Now I'm taking this women studies class and it's supposed to be the study of female gentalia/sexuality. However...it's so much more and I'm learning so much, even though I took human sexuality last semester. In the last week or so a lot of the discussion has revolved around intersexuals (persons born with ambigious gentalia -that doesn't necessarily mean they're hemaphrodites) And I've realized with more clarity how much of male/female identity is shaped by culture and how that person cognitively experiences their gender. In other words I knew that I was female but I was choosing to reject the things I thought made me female...being emotional, loving romance movies, yadda yah because I associated that with weakness. I had to be strong. My life, my environment demanded that of me. My point here is that....we [males and females] are ultimately the same. We think the same. We feel the same. Why? Because we are made up of the same shit. lol BIBLICALLY women were taken out of man. BIOLOGICALLY the fetus is of ambigous gender until about 6 weeks meaning we develop the same AND big surprise here ALL BABIES START OFF AS FEMALE. If it is to be male the fetus has got to start developing extra (testosterone) to make it male
Where am I going with this? Well Steve Harvey has a book called Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman and people everywhere loved it! He was basically telling women to reject their "femaleness" to get and keep a man. 1. Everything about being a woman is beautiful. We are strong creatures. Resilient. We love hard and while it may get our hearts broken at least we allow ourselves the ability to do so. 2. This further drives the dichotomy between male and females. My whole argument thus far has been to show that we are not so different. Our perceptions are shaped by culture but does not mean it is set in stone. Our gender perception and sexuality are subject to fluidity or change.
Why is this dichotomy bad? Because! It leads us to believe that we cannot effectively communicate! Millions of relationships suffer because we feel that our partner "our polar opposite" cannot understand where we are coming from. They are way to incapable in sharing in our experiences. Which is not true. We feel that we need hundreds of different people to talk to. There are too many women who believe it is against the law of nature to discuss their period with their man. Too many men who don't think they can't discuss what they desire sexually from their partner. GRANTED there are people who just don't match up mentally, sexually, physically, psychologically and are together but...those are weird relationships.
What I'm trying to say is...I want a man that I can tell him everything -anything. And he won't judge me for it ya know? And I know he exists. I have a male bestfriend that I feel like I can tell everything. I feel like that works because he's not want of the emotionally stunted guys. I'm not saying that we still don't need a few other people to talk to but it's nice to feel like you don't have to hide things from your man.
Steve's first book as I recall was basically to keep women from the "honey you doing to much" moments. Which I appreciate and agree with 200% BUT his second book as he explains got under my skin because in his description he is attempting to explain male behavior and thought processes from HIS perspective...basically clumping men together in this one boat. But as I have learned getting people to adhere too strictly to these dichotomies we love so much (male female, straight gay, up down) creates identity conflicts in SO MANY PEOPLE. I'm not saying that we need to get rid of the male/female thing -I think it's necessary. I just feel like we need to recognize that there is A LOT of inbetween and that's okay! It helps us in the long run.
I'll have more to add to this later
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